HER NAME IS VIOLET. She resides in every cell of my being. Each day brings images of her joyful spirit & the feeling of holding, crying & laughing with her. ALL.THE.THINGS. Violet is the first of 4 babies we’ve lost in 4 years. Over the past several months I’ve been opening the deep wound carrying the festering pain, trauma, fear, shame, anger, & grief that accompanies the loss of a child that no one else knows, celebrates, grieves, or talks about.
The quilt in this picture is for her. Over the years I’ve sewn dozens of quilts for new babies, but the thought of making anything for my own was too raw. The recent slowing of life inspired me to intentionally hold Violet’s presence & I began the methodical meditation of cutting every piece of fabric & sewing it back together. It feels like wading through the broken pieces of my heart, picking them up, piecing them together & making something beautiful & whole again. As Violet’s quilt drapes my lap & I finish the last of the hand stitching I envision her spirit blanketing me, a feeling I imagine experiencing each time I pull it over my body.
The process of healing these wounds is long, hard, & continuous. I’ve found many blessings along the way including inspiration to dedicate my life’s work to help other families struggling, the fortune of others deeply holding space for me & the unconditional love of #MyFurBabies. It’s been a team sport and I imagine that will continue.
I’m sharing #MyStory because it’s #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek & I hope talking about Violet may reach others feeling alone on this journey, encourage story telling, reaching out for help & finding compassionate community. I hope it touches friends & family of those struggling & inspires them to extend a loving reminder of their care & presence, educates lawmakers & political decision makers on the impact of infertility affecting at least 1 in 8 families & spurs conversation surrounding the overwhelming lack of coverage for assisted reproductive services.
To anyone struggling or needing support, please know it is available. @ResolveOrg has resources to get you started.
And to my beautiful baby, Violet.
I love you forever,
Mom
